Januari 07, 2014

Keep My Soul Intact

Life is not a joke.
Remember the old proverb, you are a winning sperm that reached an ovum. You are good, at least.

Last night i got my eyes teary all over again. Discriminative does really exist. Not about your tribe,  nor religion, it is about, what we call? I dunno, i just don't understand what others may think about me.

Life is not a joke, what the hell is happening, i still have a willing to live the life by my own way, being my self, truly. It is possible that there's another person dislike you. And you don't have the right to control them. You better control your own mind. Be grateful, and be good of you.

Some say that you were not put on this earth to please everybody. That sentence is not entirely wrong, nor right. The fact is, you can't please others while you're not pleased. Are you happy enough? What's the definition of happiness? What matters is, that you used to be over-thinking. Or, in this case, me, myself. I do over-thinking over things. Or people. That's why, over-thinking kills is really true.
We don't have the right to control others, then why we should think of what they may think about us?

Life is not a joke. But it's funny sometimes.
@Ryudeka said, the first time you grow up is the first time you laugh at yourself. Just thought about it. When was the first time i laughed at myself? At my stupidity?

People grow up, people grow mature.
I tried so hard to be better day by day. To focused only to myself, and my psyche. Manage my internal mind. But life always has two sides. One-sided life of me wasn't enough. Sometimes i fall. Sometimes i wake up. Sometimes when i fall i need a shoulder to cry on, or sometimes i just need a couple of ears to listen to me.

The translation of "think others first" into "think yourself first" is not that easy. I used to think of others first, and forget to think myself, nor what i feel. I ignored myself. The happiness inside. 
Read so many articles about how to be happy, how to be jolly, how to kill the pain. Not a waste of time, but sometimes, everything starts from my own self.

Be good, be good to others. Expect less, do more. Hope zero. Zero? It is like, be good to others, but never expect their replies. @Justsilly once said, feeling good by doing good. Good is not God, by the way. But God must be beyond good. I felt it this morning. This morning, i was so gloomy. I was searching of what i want, and what i should do. I used to live in a peace environment, i used to live in a stable environment. Then suddenly i entered the real world. I shud be tougher than ever. I shud be more mature, and i shud pass through all the storms that may come. While, i shud stay happy to keep my sanity intact.
Ah yes, talk is cheap :D

This morning, i went to the repairman bag. My bag was damaged, so i wanted to fix it. Then yes, i waited my bag to be repaired and still thinking what should i do next. I was so desperate last night, i lost for words, my heart was really hurt, and i kept the pain for a long time. That was not easy. NOT EASY. 
I just wanna feel free, free for being myself, free of what what people comment about my self and my life. Anybody always anything to say. So, yeah.
After my bag being repaired...
Me : berapa Bu?
She: kersane pun pinten Mbak.
Me : biasanipun pinten Buk?
She: nggih kalih ewu mawon.
Me : *ngasih limaribuan* itu aja semua ndapapa Buk.
She: Wah, jangan Mbak, sebentar saya carikan kembaliannya dulu ya.
Me : Ndapapa Buk, ndapapa, kembaliannya bawa aja buat Ibu.
She: Wah maap Mbak, belum ada uang kecil hari ini.
Me : Iya, sudah ndapapa Bu. Rejeki Ibu.
She: Kalo gitu, tali yang satunya saya kencengin sekalian aja ya.

Got more! Feeling good by doing good, checked. Got more by doing good, checked. No, i didn't expect that bonus, i just looked for sobriety. The sentence: feeling good by doing good. 
It is how i treat people, not how they react about my treatment. That's totally their own rights, out of my control.

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